failed re-encounter

And its about time to start the next sprint.

Im happy, for what has been achieved, im sad, for what has been lost.

I saw my blue cat the other day. Shes is still mine, even when she does not know it.

I was dissapointed, for what she became, she is the same person i found six years ago. But she has phased into reality, her wings now are useless appendages and her being is at constant conflict with a plane where she does not belong.

I thought, mistakenly, that she would take something from the time we where together, and live with it. I couldnt have imagined that by ending our relationship she would sink back into darkness.

I almost cry when i confronted her with the truth. For i knew that she had never joined me in that understanding. I told her, how much she meant for me, that in loving her, i found love for life.

And i told her, that i couldnt give up all the things she didnt care about, that there was no greater reward in life than life itself, that money, power, traveling, things, security... are only garments of life, and that i could no longer puirsuit them leaving aside what truly matters.

I told her how much i loved to wake up and see her, to feel her warmth and love it, to feel her skin and feel trhilled by it, to stand up and freshen myself to come back to her and wake her up teasing, caressing, to tell her something silly to make her laugh as soon as she opened her eyes...

To go around my day, knowing that all efforts are to build a life together, to be an eye candy for her, to talk to her about everything, to take care of myself, to want a long, healthy and devoted life. To build something together...

To enjoy life and share it with each other.

I quit on all drugs, i started excersising, i started building the platform to have a steady and reliable income... and i dreamed of providing for her, so that she could work her art and live at leisure. I wanted to grow old with her... No need to rush, no need to live and die fast.

Unfortunately, she never got on that train of thought with me. I could never lift the veil of darkness from her sight, i could never make her see that by not taking care of herself, she was hurting me.

Or perhaps she knew, and she knows, but she chooses the life she had designed for herself before being with me.

Either way, we departed roads, at least now i know she understands why i found necessary to do so. And hopefully she wont hold ill feelings towards me.

I hope she finds the one who makes her see the error of her ways, for i failed in doing so, and i hope for it to happen in time, before permanent damage is done.